I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
