tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
