Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
