I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
