I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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