My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
