Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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