he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
