Sry I called you an 8
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
