Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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