Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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