I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
