How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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