he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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