East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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