put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
