RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
