The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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