I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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