You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
