I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
