do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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