Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
