can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
