Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
