And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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