I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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