You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
