i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
