Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
