The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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