we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
