it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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