what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's shark week go big or go home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
