so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
