I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
