So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
