dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
