8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
