i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
