you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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