We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
