I seem to have left my pride at pride
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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