I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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