Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
