Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
