She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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