I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we're making bets on your personal life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
