Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
