Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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