1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
