i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
